[ i wonder???? ]

I've been an aunty for a few years now and I absolutely love every moment of being an aunty. I love hanging out with my nieces and nephews and just love and adore the heck out of them. I love that I don't mind spending any money or any amount of money on them.... if I had all the money in the world it'd definitely be spent on them. I love the cute little conversations I have with them, and the silly things that come out of their mouth's seriously crack me up. I love how bright they are and how sometimes they'll listen to me instead of their parents ;) hahaha I especially love that they THINK that I'm such a cool human being. I'm in love with their little innocent and forgiving spirits. The fact that they love me no matter how I discipline them (when i absolutely need to) teaches and humbles me so much, I love learning from them and their own little personalities and characteristics. Most of all though, just the fact of them being an offspring of my sister/brother does it all, sends me right over the top.... I feel like they could seriously be my  own.

Now... with me having my own child very soon... I've wondered.... and it seriously has boggled my mind as I babysit, hold, or even just watch them playing these past few months IF it's even possible to love my own child as much as I love my nieces and nephews. ;( I'm not ashamed to admit it...it kinda scares me. I've even cried to my sister and my husband about it (hopefully this is just part of the pregnancy lol). We've talked about it... I know I will love my baby girl- I mean heck, I'm already obsessed with her in my belly, but....... will I love her the same way? Will I adore her the same way I adore my sweet, cheeky, naughty, and crazy little nieces and nephews?? I know most likely I will..... lol but it's just something I've thought about a lot lately- could I seriously love another human being more or the same way I love these other little peeps of mine?? I don't like thinking about it, but it's something that always comes to mind, and really kinda bugs me at the same time. It's like I've kinda been like a second mother to them (at least that's how I feel) and so i'm just a little unsure of how it'll be post birth.

Even when I see Shawn with our nieces and nephews I wonder the same thing. He feels the same way but doesn't think about it as much as me. He's pretty sure she'll have him wrapped around her little finger- kinda like how mommy has him. ;p LOL... na j/k.

I do know though that there are a lot of things my nieces and nephews do that I hope and pray I won't tolerate or teach my own child LOL... jk Like when I see my one of my nieces or nephews do something naughty, I'm like "Oh heeeck no, my daughter is not gonna do that!" hahaha But then again I'm pretty sure i'm all talk now and it'll all be different once she makes her arrival in 7 weeks. So 'til then wish me luck w/all this. ;)

[wrecked]

...at our latest appt, had to take the glucose drink...
GROSS! but crossing we're good on gestational diabetes. 

I consider myself pretty lucky but it's more along the lines of, simply blessed. Since I've been pregnant I haven't had any problems, besides getting fat lol. No morning sickness', no throwing up, no heartburn, no cravings, etc....oh and on top of all of that, with our doctors appointments we've been blessed with news that baby is growing right and healthy so I can positively say  it's been a pretty smooth kind of pregnancy [insert joyful, relieved, happy face]. 




Now if anything, I've noticed that in the past 3 weeks or so I've been an emotional wreck. I didn't say much because I thought it was the "wedding" stress that was getting to me (even though my wedding wasn't stressful to me at all haha). Then, after the wedding and even with starting marriage and all the changes that have occured I've been a pretty happy camper (you know if you follow my blog and/or instagram haha), it really has been great. But...... dun dun dun...... haha- I've realized that I get emotional about things I don't normally get emotional about.Did that make sense? lol.

For example:
Like I had mentioned in my post prior to this one, we attended Tehamatas Tahiti Fet this past weekend. We got there just as ages 4-5 were competing against each other. I was so excited to see them perform. After tearing up and then trying to hold back any tears, crossing my fingers no tears would fall  (because that would just be so lame if I was crying at a tahiti fet lol) all I seriously kept thinking about was "I can't wait til my daughter enters these fets!!" lol... Or at least starts dancing. I pray that she'll be as passionate about dancing and singing as much as I am... or at least performing. I love performing so I hope if any of me rubs off on her, it's that. hahaha.. and if not then she better be a good athlete and competitive like her dad......lol and if not that then it doesn't matter, I will love her the same.

Another example:
Just between conversations I have with Shawn and others...but mostly with Shawn, I find that I get easily offended by things he would say, or says, which at any other time I totally wouldn't mind it...or I'd probably say something mean back haha. But I didn't, I was just offended. And I KNOW he didn't even mean it like that- it was the way I took it. So after being all depressed and offended for about 2 hours (haha) I realized this had to just be part of the pregnancy....or i hope at least haha.

Then I thought of Wirthlins talk and quote: "Come what may and Love it...." and I thought about my whole pregnancy. I've definitely had a good one that I can't really complain about and above all things just the experience alone has been such a beautiful one. Just the fact of knowing I have a little human being in there fascinates the heck out of me. Feeling her movements (even though they are keeping me up at night now) is such an amazing feeling. My weight gain, which I think has been the suckiest part of this, doesn't really bother me to much because I'd much rather be a fat mama than have an unhealthy baby.I'm glad my family is there for me and to have Shawn by my side the whole way just makes everything perfect.


Over all though, I really had to take a step back and look at this whole experience. I'm blessed and seriously can NOT complain about life at all right now. I will proudly admit praying together as a couple and fasting has really helped A LOT....more than I could ever imagine. And on the days that we forget to pray together.... oh how Satan works us. hahahaha... 

28 weeks...entering my last trimester. 

So if anything, I'm glad that the Lord's opened up my eyes to see my situation in a whole different way. To take a step back and realize that even though I might be feeling a little depressed or offended for a few hours, I really am blessed with the best around me. I have an awesome support system that I wouldn't trade the world for, an amazing companion that adores the heck out of me pregnant and fat or not lol, and a healthy baby girl.
 I still can't even wrap myself around the fact that in less than 3 months we will meet our baby girl. She has no idea how much we're trying to prep for her to meet this world. I don't even think she knows how much in love I am with her and stoked to have her here. I also still hope she is down to enter competitions and just love the stage. ;) haha... So here's to baby girl....in whom we still don't have a name for. lol...