[ Aunty Vena ]

....continued.....

this post was meant to be written the same week everything occured but I haven't had the strength to do so, so here it is.

November 27, 2011

Woke up.
Played w/LaVona

Received news about Aunty Vena, Nar, and Kingas car accident.

Family Prayer.

Started breakfast.

....mom screaming in her room...

Run to the room

Dad: "Aunty Vena didn't make it...."

;(

I was speechless. I didn't know what to think or even how to react. I was numb to what I had just heard. Aunty Vena?? WHY?? Why like that?? What about Nar and Kinga?? What now??  I had so many questions running through my mind. I knew it was something totally out of my control....anyone's control in that matter. Even after the whole first day and night at the hospital w/the family I still was so numb to it all. It was surreal and I didn't know how to react to losing just one of my most favorite aunts and people in my life. As the week went on I'd find myself just sitting and crying, still questioning the Lord. Now, I understand the gospel, I really do. The plan of salvation and all.....I get it. I know we'll see Aunty Vena again, but still...I was so upset. So hurt that she had to go the way she did and that WHY HER? (why couldn't be another aunt?? lol j/k)  I know, I really shouldn't have been thinking like that.....but, I was. let's just say it was one of THE MOST hardest weeks of my life. I hated every moment of it. My heart hurt when I'd see my cousins, her kids...or her grandkids. =(  But nonetheless, tried my hardest to remain strong for them, even though they seemed so much stronger than me.

I knew what I was feeling was normal at this kind of time, but I was also mad at myself for questioning everything. Like I said before, this death has probably been the hardest one for me in the 24 years of my life. Aunty Vena was so different from all my other aunties. She was a different kind of person, period.

Wedesday during that week I was in bed just lying, thinking, crying here and there as refreshed my memories of her. I was miserable but didn't want to say anything to anyone because I knew everyone was also hurting. About 8pm that night our doorbell rang. Pili came running into my parents room where I had been lying down and told me my friends from church were in the front.

Friends from church?? I haven't even been to church for like 2 months....what friends? haha... I dragged myself out of bed, seriously dreading to get up and see whoever it was. Not to mention I was planning on ringing whoever opened the door for them's neck. (bitter much? lol) Well I got to the front and it was my visiting teachers. I still didn't want to get up, but it was a relief to see them.......and not the stake president or bishop. haha Plus I knew their purpose of being there and that alone meant a lot.

We said an opening prayer, talked a little, and even then I didn't feel much different. Just kept quiet trying not to share too much, just to get it over with. (mean i know...but i wasn't in the mood). Lola then shared the message (which was out of the October Ensign...talks from conference). She shared Pres. Uchtdorfs talk "Forget Me Not". The quote she had shared and her and Jeanettes feelings on that talk hit me so hard. I couldn't help but think about Aunty Vena and I broke down and just started balling. It was sooooooooooo ugly. lol Right then all the teachings of the gospel came to mind. I understood and had finally accepted Aunty Venas death much easier after that. It was the biggest feeling of comfort. And I found myself extremely grateful that these girls had come over. =)

The rest of the week ran smoothly, besides some of the nervy people that were at the house. lol. But all in all Aunty Venas services were beautiful just like her. It was wonderful hearing all the great things about her. I was privileged enough to sing and share my memories on her. Tears...laughter....everything, I loved it.

My greatest memories of Aunty that I love and will forever miss:
calling me Leddah Roo
her poi balls...she seriously was THE BEST POI BALL DANCER EVER!!!
seeing her at the Utah games
her laugh
her spaghetti
her smile and sweet loving personality
acceptance of anyone
and
her faith.



I love you Aunty Vena, and so happy and grateful you've left such a great legacy through your beautiful and amazing children.
Love you Kinga, Pudg, Tony, Gip, Nar, David, and KV!