[ Expect the UNexpected ]

I've recently found out that we (Shawn and I) are expecting. So many mixed emotions come with it but overall I can't help but find myself overwhelmed.....with EXCITEMENT for many reasons. I'm one that always said I never wanted kids... I love my nieces and nephews more than ANYONE and ANYTHING in this world BUT I honestly wasn't sure of wanting any of my own- at least I thought I didn't. And finally after 6 years we're having one and I'm beyond excited to be carrying this child. Now I know we didn't do things the 'right' way or the way I wish we would've went about but I guess at this point its not about how we started but how we finish, or at least that's what I like to believe ;) lol.

Just the thought of this child being chosen to come to earth at this particular time means that this child....MY child was sent to me for a specific reason... to be a leader in Zion {YES REEEEALLLY lol}. It's a bit overwhelming to think that Heavenly Father picked me as a mother to teach and nurture this child the way my mother taught me. To instill in this child's heart and mind what our purpose here on earth is...what's right and what's wrong, etc...even though I feel I should be the LAST person teaching that haha ;).  I just hope and pray that thru my own life experiences and choices that I can be a mother like mine...one so bold and honest with unwavering faith and hope in ME **teardrop** I know I've been such a disappointment to my parents with this kind of news and regardless the hurt that I bring them my mother remains by my side. I hope I can be HALF the woman she is. We have our differences and majority of the time are disagreeing about my decisions yet she still holds her arms out to me and willing to take me in no matter what {best daughter right? lol} I truly am grateful and blessed so much to have her as MY mother.

...back to the pregnancy...

This is a whole new "adventure" for me... A life I knew I'd run into if I chose to make certain decisions. I knew the consequences that would follow, at one point Shawn and I actually took a break from each other and "dated around" and that was a blast lol.....but it just wasn't the same with out him. I guess you could say fate brought us back together... ;)
Life carried on........
This time together our plates full of opportunity and life. Shawn was back at the U of U for school & football. Soon after much perseverence & hard work he was given a scholarship which helped him tremendously. It motivated him to work harder and do better.... After this last year at the U he started working with an agent who is just AMAZING to say the very least. So if all works out Shawn will have reached a dream come true, and I'd be so happy for him. :)
I on the other hand  was blessed with my own opportunities that filled my plate quickly.... I  upgraded at work to full time, practically dedicated my life to Delta haha... Not to long after opportunity knocked at my door again... I was picked up as a Internet Video Host aka Video Jockey for The Whatitdo.com an urban island entertainment website. And that has been one of the greatest opportunities I've faced in my life. I've learned a ton from it....still am.... And the people I meet thru it are the most inspiring people. I can honestly say I HEART IT- I want to do more with it. Not only has this opportunity come my way but as well as another with MuSiC! So many offers by so many talented successful people, i cant help but feel blessed and ready to tackle another dream.

While doing our best to stay on top of our grind {haha} mine and Shawn's relationship has definitely grown, marriage was never really a question with us, we knew we wanted to but picking the time was always in the air. With everything going on in our lives I made every excuse of "why NOT to get married" i still wanted to 'PLAY' i guess. I had a whole list of places to travel.... And so many things i would put in my life before marriage. Why? I don't know. But even with that this patient guy of mine insisted we tie the knot, for so many valid reasons (like this one lol). I knew i didn't want anyone else..I knew that Shawn was the main reason me and any other guy never worked out. I mean... those who know us know we are the furthest from perfect, but we try, and we make it work- and with all of the above going on in our lives- getting prego was the last thing we had expected.  But now that we are...I am... I know it's gonna put things in my life on hold for a little. I dont know if i was afraid of marriage commitment or what but i just thought i never wanted to settle down. Since we've found out I've sat and reflected on my own life thus far and to my surprise I've pretty much done EVERYTHING I've wanted to. I've "played" with my friends... I've done the whole 'going out' thing....I've danced on the road, I've travelled, I've gone international, I've met so many people, I've made music, I've been and won beauty pageants, I've tasted the college life (and still need to finish), I've been in an independent film (that I'm still waiting to see lol), I've spent money like crazy on useless things, I've dated around,  I've done so many things that I can say I'm proud of.....& not so proud of lol and but that's me. =)  looking over all that kinda reassured me that  I am without a doubt ready to just settle down. I mean, I'm not going to be a boring mom now but I'll at least slow down for a bit...I  thought that life would end if/when I ever got married...or pregnant, but now that I am... I feel like I have so much more to work for and I'm honestly so ready for it. 

I know this has been such a disappointment to SO MANY. I've hurt so many people I love with decisions I've made....but, I've made em and I'm the one living the consequences (so GET OVER IT if you're not haha j/k) Am I complaining? NO WAY. I actually consider myself very lucky. I have the best support system EVER. My relationship with my sister Lusi has grown in so many ways, as well as with my mom. It's crazy but I love it. =) at times i do feel alone. I do feel stressed. I feel nervous. Im scared. Sometimes I just wanna break down and cry because I don't know the answers to some things.... But nonetheless i am grateful that regardless of my choices the lord has still blessed me with such an awesome family, the most supportive friends,  the gift of motherhood. And because of that... I'm ready to expect whatever is unexpected....take it....run with it.... And be as happy as I can for this gift in me.