[sweet dream or beautiful nightmare?]

I'm a pretty strong believer that dreams occasionally [mean something]. Especially the ones that really hit you and you can't get it out of your head, whether it be a good or bad dream. Lately I've been dreaming a lot about giving birth and all that good stuff I have yet to look forward to, but none have really stuck out to me like the dream about 2 Fridays ago. =/ While I'm getting closer to my due date of courese I lack sleeping comfortably...or sleeping at all anyway. I normally sleep around 2am and am wide awake by 6 or 7am. =/ Anyway... a few weeks ago I woke up at 6:51am, refusing to fall back asleep. Shawn asked if everthing was okay and I started to cry, I told him I refused to sleep because I seriously just had a nightmare. :'( WORSE DREAM EVER!

My dream:
I had already given birth to my baby girl. As I held her I remembered I had tried everything possible to make her stop crying hysterically. It was such a weird feeling, she just wouldn't stop and I had no clue what was wrong. t remember being so frustrated and just thinking "I don't want this anymore" or "I wish I didn't have baby anymore"...... But I was more upset and frustrated with myself for even thinking that AT ALL. I knew I loved her with every beam in my body and soul and that she was the most important thing to me, and that's what made me mad at myself the most. For knowing I felt this way yet even thinking what I was thinking about not wanting her. :'( I felt so awful.....

**then you know how your dreams go from like one scene to another....yeah that's what happened here lol**

I eventually had calmed baby girl down because she had been asleep in my arms, talk about relieved. I then heard people around me talking about a relative that was there to visit. I knew of him and heard many great stories about him, I just didn't remember ever meeting who this guy was that they were talking about. At that point it didn't really matter to me who it was I was so wrapped up in how much of a genius I was to make my baby stop crying and holding her close to me and being grateful for her was the only thing really on my mind at the time.
As I was sitting there alone with baby I heard someone talking to me. I looked up and although I didn't recognize him right away I already knew who it was. It was my grandpa Fau'olo (my dad's dad who had passed away back in 1981). He looked a bit different than in the pictures I seen of him, he was in his prime. It was crazy... Anyway, we began talking and then I casually asked him who he was with and what he was doing there. (because even in my dream I knew he had already passed away)... He said he had come with 2 gentlemen. And while we're talking the two men open up their bag and pull out a red sheet. I'm trying to pay attention to what grandpa was saying but I was so focused on what these men were doing and why. Surprisingly I actually caught somewhat of what grandpa was saying.... very nonchalant but I remember catching him say "We came to get her." I must've looked at him like he was crazy and probably with a confused look on my face because he said it again "WE CAME TO GET HER!" Then I realized what he was talking about... because he had pointed to me holding baby and the two guys he was with were standing there staring at me with the sheet open like they were waiting to wrap her up in it.
My heart sunk.... ;( I was furious and just remember wanting to just die. I didn't even question grandpa as to WHY?? I knew why.... He was taking my child because I had been complaining about her. Heavenly Father had sent him to take baby because of my foolish and selfish thinking. As I sat there and held her, refusing to let her go.....my phone started ringing. I looked down and it was my sister Lusi calling...... When I answered it I realized I had been awake- Lusi was calling me in real life to get up and make some fruit dip she wanted. LOL (curse Tangiofa for introducing me to that evil dip! ;p) haha...

Anyway....

It had been such an awful morning. As I cried and told shawn about it and what I thought I think I scared him just as bad. hahaha...this dream really stuck out to me and I've thought about it every day since. Heavenly Father blesses us with so much. He continues to bless us even more when we are obedient and humble....but ( or when our pride takes over us, just like the Nephites cycle in the B.O.M.) he can also take away so fast, and whenever he wants. Whether we like it or not, everything really is on our HF's time. In my dream I knew he'd blessed us with such an amazing and beautiful blessing and with one simple incident baby was gonna be gone from our lives. And I hated knowing that... ;(
Since then I constantly think about that and remind my husband when he starts acting up ;) LOL....
I also promised myself after that dream that I'd never ever think that way and that if I ever got stressed with motherhood duties....I'd reach for help.
Isn't that so trippy how dreams have such an effect on our lives and what we're going through? It's crazy....but I sure am glad that even though I've learned a lesson from it, it was JUST A DREAM. Thank God!

WWWHHHEEWWW.......sorry for the long post but I had to get that out of the way. haha I know I've said it before but I'm so in love with this little girl and she has no idea. It's kinda funny.... I have 2 weeks left and counting.